Deconstructing Eggs

What causes stress? Are you stressed? Am I stressed? Is stress good for you?

Considering the state of the world these days (unraveling it would appear), I took delicious pleasure today in stepping back and finding some fun in my life. I have really pushed myself too hard for the past few weeks. Looking for answers to problems that took years to form, thinking that solutions will be quick and enduring is pure folly. I wrote in March 2004 that changing the nature of states is easier than changing the states of nature. I think that still holds true.

I was told to take some time off to reflect about why I have been pensive and nervous about my new position. I have all the tools required to succeed. I have all the support network a guy could want from a company. But I really was putting a lot of pressure on myself to perform at the same level as my old job. Irrespective of the fact that in that position I had 7 years experience and a warm territory. I move into a cold territory with unfamiliar product. I told my manager today that "when I feel I don't know everything, I feel like I know nothing". I know that knowledge is not an absolute concept. It is possible to be somewhat proficient in certain areas. The personal struggle for me is whether I can accept not being the "Master" of my domain. In some respects I am forced to relearn how to do my job. Which is fine in a technical or professional job, but in sales it can be devastating to the confidence.

I sat in the sun and soaked up some rays. I listened to Genesis playing Turn it on Again, and sang along with the windows rolled down. I smiled widely and breathed deeply. I came online and chatted to some new people. I did things just outside of my comfort zone. I changed it up and spun it around. My mantra was "Monday is the *first* day, so make it count." I am letting go of all the questioning and fears and restoring the aggressively honest personality that I made my calling card with.

When I worked with my old company, I used to believe I had a "right" to open my catalogues and "get" the order. My customers _need_ this product and I had a sense of urgency that got results. Now I need to find that spirit in my new position and get my confidence back. Which in turn brings me back to the pressure. I have been twisting inside, searching for answers and feeling ineffective for the past 2 weeks. I was starting to lose focus and get into bad habits again. But with one 3 hour meeting and a half day off in the sun, I feel a revitalization. I sat with my DM and went over all of the reasons why they hired me. He talked about how well I have done so far, and that what I was experiencing was a normal part of a career switch.

This blog recently celebrated its 2000th Visitor today. Thank you all for reading and commenting. I hope that you will continue to be amused and amazed by the shapes of letters and lines that define this rhythmical diatribe.

Just finished reading Chuck Klosterman "Dying to Live:An 85% True Story". Brilliant and fun read, he is a master of pop cult deconstruction. Highly recommended to those people who read "books".

Please check out some of the new additions to the "Blogs that don't suck list". I have been told by a few readers that you are all very good writers... So if you have a blog on that list, well done! If you would like to be linked on this blog, please send a comment or email.

Now I am off to Partay in the Yonge and Eligible District.

Til Then!