The Continuing Importance of Me.

I believe that Social Networking has benefits, thus I also believe Online Social Networking has benefits. Early adopters of Internet believed the CRT monitor would become a window to the world; removing the barrier of geography to enhance understanding and foster a new enlightenment. Unforturnately it seems the LCD monitor is not a window but a mirror. The Personal Computer has become a source of personal validation. The belief that everyone wants to hear what you have to say and understand exactly what you mean even if you speak in vagaries. That is why people believe their *tweets* about what they had for lunch are actual ironic commentary on the supersonic pace of their unbelievably busy life. Sadly though, the ironic well has flooded, sending ironic waste seeping into the fabric of the public streets.

The Culture of Me

Nothing seems fit to print these days. Life is beautiful and invigorating beyond description. I am exposed to massive amounts of beauty and chesed on a daily basis. I always said that I have something to learn from every person I meet. Well, I have taken on the task of learning with reckless abandon. As such I have no desire to emote on the state of my being, when my being is highly irrelevant. To learn, to become selfless and unencumbered with ego and bias, is my new passion. To remove myself from the rat race while at the same time functioning in the maze.


There is more, you're just going to have to wait for it. Patience my friends.

Can the Internet send me to Vegas?

*EDIT* We didn't win. It was however a wonderful exercise and I am delighted to be surrounded by a wealth of kindness. please allow me to in turn repay such generosity.*EDIT*




Dear Readers,

If you have enjoyed reading my blog, and have a minute to spare, I need your help.

I want to go to Vegas and get married. The MIX is having a contest and I want to win.

Finally, I *want* something.

Here's how you can help: Call or email the mix and tell them that you think Ryan and Erin deserve to go to Vegas. If you can do this in a creative way, all the better. Whatever you can do to help, I will be grateful for your support. If I had the resources, I would marry Erin tomorrow, so this contest has given me a chance to dream. Even if I don't win, I will always be grateful to the MIX for that.

Here is what you have to do: Call the Mad Dog & Billie line at 416-323-5420 or e-mail sweetescape@999mixfm.com and tell them why Erin and Ryan deserve a "Sweet Escape".


Here is the Letter!

Dear Mix,

I was eating dinner with my fiance last week and I said to her, "pass the pepper upon the left hand side". She replied, "Oh! You were listening to the MIX too!" You see, I work in Toronto and she lives in Hamilton. Until we are married in November, we are going to be living apart during the week. Whether it's a song by Snow Patrol or James Blunt, or some throwaway little radio bit, the MIX brings us together even though we live apart. She'll often call me during the day to ask me to put on the MIX so we can share a song. It's ironic that in the age of instant communication and crackberrys, its something so basic as a radio that cuts through the distance.

I proposed on Jan 13th, 2007. It was our one year anniversary. I asked her to wait until November for the wedding because I needed time to save some money.What's amazing about this contest is that she has been asking me to move up the wedding day so she can have a "hot" wedding instead of the November date we had picked. With any luck, you can help make this happen. When we first started dating, I could always hear her pulling into my driveway. "Rock Steady" would be blaring out the car stereo. She loves Gwen Stefani and will be dancing in the aisle at the concert at the ACC. I know that my Mom would approve of Mad Dog as a best man. A few years ago she wrote to him to get an autographed photo. He sent her a signed picture which sits framed in her reading room. And like my fiance, Billie is a hot blonde with a wild side.

Oh the stories we will tell...I want this so bad I can taste it. I want to give her a wedding to remember. I need to show her how lucky I am, because all of her friends keep telling her how lucky she is to have me. She is a great mother of two kids from a previous marriage and I am always thinking of ways to give her some downtime. We always said our first time in Vegas should be together, and I hope that you can help us make our dream of an early marriage come true. We promise to be loud and wild Canadians mixing it up with the Vegas crowd.

Thank you so much for giving me a chance to think about how much Erin means to me, and to dream of becoming the lucky winner who gets to hang with MadDog and Billie.

Ryan

Snapshots and Magnets

To the Internet and its Netizens:

There are moments when I walk along a certain stretch of a tree lined street that I can hear the earth breathing. Stripping away the concrete shackles and asphalt baklava, the soil gasps for air in some kind of an oxygenated love affair. Whether the skies be blue or grey, and in warmth or chill, the connection remains strong. There is so much disconnect in life, that each remaining connection must be treasured.

These connections, or rather I could say magnets, provide a structure for understanding the limitations of a logical existence. I now see the world through the eyes of a 5 year old child. His fears (currently its bears) and his love/hate relationship with salad and Chinese pears. There is no semblance of a cohesive plan, just an overwhelming desire to bring toys surreptiously to school.

I am transformed from a tender and loving life partner into a mentor and authoritarian dispenser of snacks and toothpaste (though usually not at the same time). This change is momentary and at any given time I have to balance; my status as a loving and nurturing fiance with my role as a positive male influence. I love it. I love being relevant and meaningful to people in that way. Being thrust into fatherhood allows me to share positivity and issue gentle life lessons in a creative manner. I enjoy having a selfless and meaningful existence. It has allowed me to relate to the other facets of my life and reveal the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.

Authors Note: These collections of words are a lifetime project. Much like the author, I suggest that you not fret with momentary bouts of inactivity or block. People read you (and I) for fractious moments of inspired lucidity, not for a litany of licentious lifestyle foibles. Share the moments where reflections are still and clear. Paint the detailed nuances of scenic syllables in the winter's thrush and the fall's resection. Find those moments of complete satisfaction and relative synchronicity. When you feel anger or disappointment, you should look in the mirror at your tear soaked face and ask yourself this question: "Is this the person I want to be"?

Personal Update: I am engaged to be married on November 4th, 2007. I have found someone brilliantly kind and unfailingly generous with her time and mind. She is a writer, a lover, and a fighter for those who cannot speak. She is a woman of the ages and the inspiration to many who have met her. I offer you not hyperbole but empirically proven facts. She is her mother's daughter, and her daughter's mother. Her mother and daughter are intellectual and creative. I am a very fortunate man to be with a woman who was patient enough to afford me the time and space with which to realize that life with her by my side is appreciably better than I could ever have imagined.

I miss this, the pairing of words in this keyboard waltz. I do hope to see you again soon,

Ryan

What you Get.

Connections, belonging, and identity, are prime facets of the human struggle with moral consciousness. We are not automatons clanking out products, nor are we as simple as the goldfish or the trained chimp. This mental melange of constant struggle creates a platter of potent potables. We drink up this challenge of senseless suffering and deprivation. We gorge ourselves with worry and fear because if you don't have a struggle with life, you are probably dead.

So how do we maintain our connections? The reality is that we think we are closer with people than we are. We create these associations in our head with memories, this becomes real emotional currency. The fact is that we spend more time with ourselves using this bank of emotions to sustain us, than we do making deposits with actual friends. We busy ourselves with work, play, and hobbies, that take us away from the very people that give us comfort. We don't know this because we keep thinking about them, but so rarely do we take the time to let them know that they are thought of.

The associations of an adult life are invariably more complex that those of a kid. In high school you were either a snob, geek, loser, jock, or a cool kid. To save the author some time (as he is a *very* slow typist) please go view "The Breakfast Club" and return to this blog. In adult life you can belong to a religious association, a professional designation group, bowling league or softball team. Maybe you will belong to more than one category. The difference is people stop judging you by your associations and now look at the content of your character. We realize that what a person does, does not define who a person "is".

This in itself is not an improvement per se. It merely describes the shift of responsibility in how we identify ourselves. Before we saw what other people saw in us. We perceive only the facets so egregious that they defy going noticed from our daily inspection in the mirror. This circles back to the previous contention, that we are closer to ourselves than we realize. We are our harshest critic and care more about ourlselves than anyone else does. As adults we mostly know this fact of self interest but are in denial of its primacy. The concept that no one cares if you get a bad hair cut or an especially durable pimple is so ego dashing it is often subconsciously quashed.

And by we, I mean "I". But this blog isn't about me, at least not in the sense that I write about things exclusive to my life. I hope that the subjects in these missives are as universal as the floppy breasts on the centerfold of National Geographic.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A habit can take up to 4 weeks to instil pathways in your neural network. You probably say "I love you" a thousand times in your head before you actually utter the words to the intended recipient. Taken alone, the random observations don't seem to correlate to a hypothesis. What they are is, the current collection of thoughts running about my skull at the precise moment my fingers are tap dancing on the key board. Today, I feel like a goldfish.



Postsript: A biopsy indicated that I had a possible form of testicular cancer. For ten weeks I wandered around the planet conceding my imminent departure. A specialist in tumour pathology ruled out cancer a few weeks ago. In short, I am a giant suck and I wasted over two months of my life moping about. The lesson I learned for the future is that life is precious and needs to be lived every day. No giving up, and no half assed efforts.