What you Get.

Connections, belonging, and identity, are prime facets of the human struggle with moral consciousness. We are not automatons clanking out products, nor are we as simple as the goldfish or the trained chimp. This mental melange of constant struggle creates a platter of potent potables. We drink up this challenge of senseless suffering and deprivation. We gorge ourselves with worry and fear because if you don't have a struggle with life, you are probably dead.

So how do we maintain our connections? The reality is that we think we are closer with people than we are. We create these associations in our head with memories, this becomes real emotional currency. The fact is that we spend more time with ourselves using this bank of emotions to sustain us, than we do making deposits with actual friends. We busy ourselves with work, play, and hobbies, that take us away from the very people that give us comfort. We don't know this because we keep thinking about them, but so rarely do we take the time to let them know that they are thought of.

The associations of an adult life are invariably more complex that those of a kid. In high school you were either a snob, geek, loser, jock, or a cool kid. To save the author some time (as he is a *very* slow typist) please go view "The Breakfast Club" and return to this blog. In adult life you can belong to a religious association, a professional designation group, bowling league or softball team. Maybe you will belong to more than one category. The difference is people stop judging you by your associations and now look at the content of your character. We realize that what a person does, does not define who a person "is".

This in itself is not an improvement per se. It merely describes the shift of responsibility in how we identify ourselves. Before we saw what other people saw in us. We perceive only the facets so egregious that they defy going noticed from our daily inspection in the mirror. This circles back to the previous contention, that we are closer to ourselves than we realize. We are our harshest critic and care more about ourlselves than anyone else does. As adults we mostly know this fact of self interest but are in denial of its primacy. The concept that no one cares if you get a bad hair cut or an especially durable pimple is so ego dashing it is often subconsciously quashed.

And by we, I mean "I". But this blog isn't about me, at least not in the sense that I write about things exclusive to my life. I hope that the subjects in these missives are as universal as the floppy breasts on the centerfold of National Geographic.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A habit can take up to 4 weeks to instil pathways in your neural network. You probably say "I love you" a thousand times in your head before you actually utter the words to the intended recipient. Taken alone, the random observations don't seem to correlate to a hypothesis. What they are is, the current collection of thoughts running about my skull at the precise moment my fingers are tap dancing on the key board. Today, I feel like a goldfish.



Postsript: A biopsy indicated that I had a possible form of testicular cancer. For ten weeks I wandered around the planet conceding my imminent departure. A specialist in tumour pathology ruled out cancer a few weeks ago. In short, I am a giant suck and I wasted over two months of my life moping about. The lesson I learned for the future is that life is precious and needs to be lived every day. No giving up, and no half assed efforts.